We had our first snow today!

All morning I wanted to get Nathaniel outdoors, but it wasn't until after his nap that it happened. When adding the second layer it occurred to me that I didn't know if the trach goes in the coat or stays out? Do I zip the coat tight to his chin? In the end, I zipped and went out. Just keeping the hat and mittens and boots on was challenge enough. (Snow pants? Didn't I buy those last fall? Where did they go?)

Nathaniel was not so sure at first. He stood in it.

He slid a little trying to figure out boots. He fell. Quite a few times. Every time he fell his breathing got louder, almost sounding labored at one point. Can secretions freeze in a trach tube? Should I go inside and get the suction machine or take the chance he'll only last a few more minutes anyway?

We wandered to the back of the house where Nathaniel really discovered snow. He tasted it.  Do you stop a child who aspirates from eating snow? What pleasures in life are worth the risks? Snow brought many questions. I watched Nathaniel repeatedly raise his snow covered mitten to his mouth and wished he could brush all the medical issues aside and just be a little boy enjoying the first snow of the winter. Wished my greatest mom worry was misplaced snow pants. This constant tug between living normal or living medical never goes away.

For the record: I zipped the trach into the coat, but loosely. I didn't interrupt play for suctioning. I figured the warmth in the coat, though creating lots of secretions and loud breathing, was better than exposing the now moisture filled silicone tubing to the cold air. I did let him eat snow. And then quickly ended our time outdoors to get inside to a suction machine. I'll do it the same tomorrow.